One of the most epic songs ever written is Michael Jackson’s “Man in the mirror.” It explains that the way to change the world is to first change yourself. The song has a very wide meaning and talks about caring about others and helping them.However, I’m narrowing down the meaning today to only one aspect, and that is self love.
A quote I love very much is one by Athletics brand, Lululemon which says, “Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself.” Loving yourself is a major key to having a good life. You cannot see anything good in the world if you hate yourself. I know this from personal experience. One of the disadvantages of being the youngest person in your class is that you start to deal with insecurity earlier than you should.
Catch them young
By the time I was 9, I was in secondary school and by the time I was 13, I had begun to believe that my life was empty if there was no man in it. My classmates were already well into their teens at this point and they had started having boyfriends. I, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to get the attention of any guys.
I decided to compete in a beauty pageant to fetch myself a boyfriend but then I noticed that the best clothes were reserved for women who were slimmer than I was. Not only didn’t I get a boyfriend, I also started to believe that you had to be a certain size to be considered beautiful and worthy of male affection.
So I started to hate myself and my body and my life, and everything just spiralled out of control. The problem with hating yourself and treating yourself badly is that you attract people and situations who do the same. So I dated jerk after jerk and found myself in many unpleasant situations. At first I played the victim because that’s the easiest thing to do, but then one day I woke up and realized that I was responsible for all the nonsense that was happening to me, and only I could put an end to it, and I did.
Self love is the best love
Everyday since then has been a journey of falling in love with myself. I make it a priority to choose people, places and things that give me joy and feed my soul. And I stay away from anyone and anything that seeks to strip my dignity and make me feel less than.
There can be no joy in your life until you love yourself and accept yourself and believe that you deserve the best things that life has to offer. Yes, you’re a work in progress and there’s a lot you need to improve upon, but just as you are, right where you are, you need to accept yourself and love yourself and forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made and those you’re still going to make.
You will never be perfect, your life improves with time and growth, so at every stage in your life, you must believe that there’s beauty in your imperfections and that they’re leading you on a beautiful journey. The best way to focus on self improvement is to believe that you’re already an amazing person, you just need to keep unveiling newer and better versions of yourself. It’s kinda like an iOS update, nothing was wrong iOS 10, but iOS 12 is so much better.
Life Lessons from Lisa Nichols
Learning to love yourself is a process that will continue for the rest of your life. To help with this I’m going to recommend a daily practice that was created by Life coach, Lisa Nichols. For this exercise, you’ll need to look in the mirror and say some words to yourself. It sounds strange but it really works. There are three sentences and you’ll complete each one with 7 statements. I’ll explain.
The first one is “I forgive you for…” so you say your name for example I’ll say “Jola, I forgive you for staying in an abusive relationship.” Then you’ll add six other things you forgive yourself for.
The second is “I am proud that you…” so I’ll say “Jola, I’m proud that you built a career in writing before everyone knew it was possible.”
The third is “I commit to you that…” so I’ll say “Jola, I commit to you that I will never again put you in a position to be maltreated.”
Trust me, this practice is powerful. You might even find yourself crying a few tears. But this will be the beginning of a healing process that will open new doors for you and give you a chance to live the life of your dreams.