Jola Sotubo
Jay's Corner

Let Go Of The Dead Things In Your Life

I cut my hair. I’ve been planning this since 2013 but I never followed through. I even went to the salon twice but I chickened out at the last minute.

Just when I was about to take the plunge, all sorts of thoughts would cross my mind. “What if you look ugly? “What if your hair never grows back? ” “What if you regret it?”

I also had people telling me not to cut my hair. “Your head will look small,” “You’ll look like a guy,” “It won’t fit you,” “Are you crazy?!” Between myself and them, I eventually gave up the idea. Until last year. Last year I finally cut my hair. So what changed?

I can never be ugly

I still had the questions in my mind, but I answered them. “What if you look ugly?” “I can never look ugly, I’m the masterpiece of Jehovah, Jola Sotubo and ugly can never be in the same sentence.” “What if your hair never grows back?” “Lol. That’s just ridiculous, my hair has always been full and rich, it’ll grow back.” “What if you regret it?” “If I don’t like my hair short, I’ll wear a wig, but I’ll never regret it. Regret is no longer a part of my life.”

Jola Sotubo

As for what people would say, I heard them loud and clear, but I did it anyway. Why? Because my hair was dead, and it had been dead for a long time. All the years of neglect had finally started to affect it. The ends were breaking and it was uneven in spots. It just wasn’t a glorious mane anymore. Yet I held on for so long. Why? Because sometimes we are so afraid of change that we hold on to dead things.

We cling to dead jobs, dead friendships and dead relationships. We struggle to keep making them work even though they no longer have a pulse. We drag them along and wear ourselves out with futile efforts. But deep down inside us we know they’re dead. And eventually we let them go. But why the wait? Why waste the time on something when you know it’s just not working anymore?

You have the power to let go

Last year I finally found the strength to let go of a job that was killing me. But that wasn’t the catalyst. The final push was learning that the “love of my life” had gotten engaged. I’d been over him for a long time, but we had been in love for so long that something inside me believed it couldn’t just end like that. But it did. It has. And I have no regrets. None. In fact, I feel as free as a bird.

His engagement was my great awakening. I realized that I’d been holding on to a dead image. The Jola I used to be is no more. That Jola Sotubo was serious and intense. She was a loner who wrote articles about Boko Haram and corruption. That Jola was okay, but she no longer serves me.

This new Jola Sotubo loves to sing and dance. She laughs a lot and loves fashion, makeup and shoes. This new Jola just wants to chill and live the baby girl life, and she’s so much fun. I love her and I love the process of becoming her.

Jola Sotubo

For me this cut is not just about hair. It’s about courage and boldness. For too long I’ve let the voice within and the voice of others keep me inside a cocoon of fear. Well I’m done. I know now that life belongs to those who are bold. Success is first about courage before it becomes about talent. And it’s the little things that count. So this haircut is my little thing.

This little act of boldness will make it easier for me to take bigger and bolder steps. And I’m super excited at this prospect. So what about you? What will be your little thing?

For more about the loss of the love of my life and how I found peace, get my book “Love Letter to My Ex.” You’ll love it!

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